MBER 07 · THE VERMIN NUMBER · NOBODY GETS IT · THE LOWEST THING GIVEN THE HIGHEST TREATME
SIXRATSONETAIL.HOWMANY.RATACADEMY.
CONTACT0447.THEMAGICIANHOLDSARIFLE.
WHATTHEYWEREWEARING.STRIKEONANYSURFACE.
six rats,
one tail
Also — how to disappear on a scope · a field guide to things that outlive you · the canonisation of a rat · fifty years of matchbox labels
£6 · $9
printed in black
and two spot inks
on one press
OM 314 · BRG 174 · RNG 08:15 · ONE RAT PER PERSON · NOBODY HAS EVER COUNTE
These pieces are loose. They came out of order and we photographed them where they fell. Push them around.
02 · SIX RATS, ONE TAIL — p.14
05 · WHAT THEY WERE WEARING — p.28
03 · THE MAGICIAN HOLDS A RIFLE — p.34
01 · SAINT VERMIN — p.44
06 · THINGS THAT OUTLIVE YOU — p.52
04 · HOW TO DISAPPEAR — p.38
A rat king is what you get when a number of rats are found with their tails knotted into a single mass, and it is not a metaphor. There are specimens. There is one in Altenburg with thirty-two animals in it, mummified, and it has been sitting in a glass case since 1828 embarrassing everyone who looks at it.
The explanations are all unsatisfying. Sap. Ice. Filth. Panic in a confined space. What every explanation shares is the assumption that it is an accident, because the alternative — that it is a structure — is not something anyone wants to sit with.
The thing about a knot is that it distributes. No rat in a rat king is the king. Pull on any one of them and the whole arrangement moves, badly, in a direction none of them chose. This is the closest thing to an organisational chart that vermin have produced and it is still better than most.
Continued on p.19 →
Every image in this issue is a copy of a copy. So is every image you have ever seen of anything. Press the button and take one more generation off it. Ten is all we can give you before there is nothing left, which is roughly how long it takes in real life.
Generation 00 of 10
Platen glass. Do not lift the lid while the lamp is travelling.
Photographed against whatever wall was nearest. No styling. No lighting. Hover a pin.
Jacket — cut down, 4 sources
Trousers — painter's, inherited
Shoes — own
Tee — brother's, 1998
Skirt over trousers — deliberate
“I don't buy things. I get given things and then I make them smaller.”
The street-style page was invented so a magazine could photograph clothes it had not been given by anyone. It survives because it is the only page where the person is allowed to be more interesting than the garment.
We ran this one against a wall on a Tuesday. Nobody was paid. Two people said no and one person said yes and then changed their mind, and that is the correct ratio.
More · p.30–33 →
The contents of this issue, printed as a display. The sweep lights each piece and it fades again. Click one. Or tab to it — they are real buttons, because an index you cannot reach is not an index.
The Rider–Waite Magician stands at a table with four objects on it: a cup, a coin, a sword, a wand. One hand points at the ground and the other at the sky, and the whole card is a sentence about channelling something from one into the other.
Somebody redrew it in olive drab. The table now carries a knife, two grenades and a disassembled rifle. The wand in the raised hand is a carbine. The figure wears a ghillie suit, and the roses still grow at the bottom of the frame because whoever made it did not have the nerve to remove them, which is the best decision in the picture.
It should be stupid. It is not stupid. The card format is doing something the equipment cannot do for itself: it insists that these objects mean, that they sit in a sequence, that there is a card before this one and a card after it. A rifle in a catalogue is a specification. A rifle in a tarot deck is a fate.
Which is the same move, exactly, as painting Saint George onto the underside of a fighter. Nobody believes the saint improves the turn rate. The saint is there to say that the aircraft is in a story — and the moment you accept that, you have accepted the story's ending too.
Continued p.36 →
Litany
Saint Vermin, who was not invited —
pray for the gnawed.
Saint Vermin, who ate the wiring —
pray for the dark.
Saint Vermin, who carries the match —
pray for the ones who strike it.
Saint Vermin, who was here first —
pray for us, who arrived late
and called it ours.
Canonisation requires a miracle, a cult, and somebody with the standing to say so. The rat has the cult. The rat has, arguably, the miracle — it has outlived every eradication programme aimed at it and there have been many, some of them very well funded.
What the rat lacks is anyone with standing. So we have done it ourselves, which is how most of them started.
Feast day movable. He arrives before you do.
Wanted Anyone who has actually seen a rat king. Not a photograph of one. Box 07/A.
For sale Complete run of this magazine, issues 1–6, water damaged, smells strongly of the room it was kept in. Will not post.
Notice The person who has been leaving matchboxes on the wall outside the office is asked to continue.
Services Icons painted onto any surface, sacred or otherwise. Aircraft extra.
Lost One tail. Knotted at one end. Sentimental value only.
Personal You were on the platform at 02:40 and you were not surprised by what came out from under the rails. I was. Coffee?
Trade Will exchange a working photocopier for a broken one. Reasons my own.
Correction In issue 06 we said the Altenburg specimen contained thirty-two animals. It contains thirty-two animals. We are printing this because a reader wrote in to say we were right, and nobody has ever done that before.
The features, in full
Six Rats, One TailFeature · № 02
Contact 0447Field notes · № 04
Rat AcademyReported · № 09
How ManyInvestigation · № 10
The CamsSix feeds · live
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RATKING № 07 · The Vermin Number
Set in Anton, Bungee, Fraunces, Pirata One and Space Mono
A concept site. RATKING is not a real publication.
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